You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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