oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
