Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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