I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
