I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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