I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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