So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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