Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
