You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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