no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
