dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
