i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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