it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
