Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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