Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
