saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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