I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
