if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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