i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
