Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
