OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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