textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
