I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
not ubering you a puppy
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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