i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
