Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
