He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
