It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize