I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
