I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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