he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
