omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
