I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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