I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
zippers are such a cool invention
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
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She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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