You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?