I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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