On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.