when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
two words...techno handjob
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
