I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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