Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
