hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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