imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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