apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
