batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
