Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
