At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
