i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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