Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
