Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
