trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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