I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
