just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
