Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize