Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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