dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
