goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
