I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
