I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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