we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
