I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
