It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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