and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
