so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
