Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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