omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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