I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
