My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
