also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
