I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
worst night to have a conscience
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
