I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
