Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
